I love the Onion News Network. They always poke at the things the rest of us wonder about. The folks over at the ONN are obviously poking fun at Oprah Winfrey’s ‘New Earth’ program: Calling it the next logical step in her celebrated career, and a groundbreaking achievement in applied quantum field theory, media giant Oprah Winfrey unveiled her latest project Monday: a completely separate realm of existence, known as >OpraH [sic], which she will control on the subatomic level. [Here's an excerpt...]

“Now, Oprah’s always on!” Winfrey said through an interspatial image of herself broadcast between her world and ours. “I’ve created a place where anyone can come to share and laugh and feel totally free from the conventional laws of the physical universe.”

“I invite you all to be guests in my new reality,” she added.

…”Oprah’s working with Dr. [Mehmet] Oz right now to make some fun and exciting changes to the double-helix structure of common DNA,” Guerwith said. “And because Oprah is so giving, you can also expect a few surprises in cellular reproduction, a new and improved visible light spectrum, and maybe even a visit from Gayle!”

Added Guerwith, “Whether it’s rising from poverty to become the richest woman in America, or punching a wormhole through the multidimensional fabric of space-time in order to rule over her own universe, Oprah has proved once again that no obstacle is too big.

Visit the Onion to read the rest…

Image credit to the Onion, also.

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